WORLD CUP RULES FOR: WIVES, PARTNERS & GIRLFRIENDS.
Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend,
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of thenewspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup,and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail todo this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totallyignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without anyexceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will loseit (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, aslong as you do it crawling on the floor and without any distractions. If youdecide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put your clothes onright after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you tothe doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require arefill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if youexpect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick upthe baby that just fell on the floor....It won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in thefridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and pleasedo not make any funny faces at my friends when they come over to watch thegames. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am,unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams islosing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry,they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me moreupset and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know moreabout football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" willonly lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to meduring halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime scores is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend timetogether".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seenthem or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child relatedparties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: a) I will not go, b) I will not go, and c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch agame, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just asimportant as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but youhave already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something wecan all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of thislist".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the WorldCup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after thiscomes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League,FA Cup, etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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